Stupid cold winter is blowing in fast. But you can always outsmart it—maybe. Here are the best discovered solutions that work.
1. Layer Up
2. Layer Up More
3. Recognize that leaving the house is the worst possible idea.
4. Go back inside.
5. Hibernate.
6. Accept that you are now fired for not showing up to work.
7. Have a drink.
8. Have another drink.
9. Have 5 more drinks tops.
10. Realize you can no longer afford to blast the heat.
11. Turn off the thermostat.
12. Gather every blanket you have in your house and throw it in bed.
13. Make your way under the pile.
14. Turn on Netflix and watch a summery movie.
15. Start to feel lonely.
16. Invite over a hot cuddle buddy...
17. ...and make him cook you a warm dinner.
18. Grow out your leg hair for extra insulation.
19. Jump in a steaming shower since you haven’t for the past two weeks.
20. Now, cry over how this is your life for the next few months.
21. Attempt to leave the house to beg for your job back. Your boogers are now frozen icicles.
22. Recognize that again this was a stupid idea. Run back inside.
23. Pour another drink…or two…or five.
24. Stare outside your window to watch miserable neighbors tackle the snow.
25. Drunkenly point and laugh.
26. Come up with ways to make some extra money.
27. Convince yourself that selling snow is your best bet.
28. Figure that after a week of no customers you are back to square one.
Or, you can just use Cozy Products to actually stay warm.